Did God Forsake Jesus?

In previous posts, I've referred to my friend Joe's sick sense of humor. I couldn't tell with his most recent comment if he asked in earnest, or if he wanted to teach me something new with questions. Joe, if that's the case, how very rabbinical of you.

He asked, "I'm curious, if Jesus didn't question the Father's love EVER, why did he say, 'My God, My God why have you forsaken me?'?"

This question has haunted lots of Christians with a chilling thought: Did God really turn away from Jesus? Did Jesus experience fear or doubt during the crucifixion?

We all know I'm not a certified theologian. I have plenty to learn about God and His word. But I want to suggest an answer to this question.

"No."

I don't think Jesus was asking God this question because he doubted or because God had actually forsaken His son.

First, consider how many times Jesus heard this phrase, "If you are the Son of God, then..." Satan said this when tempting him in the wilderness. The people asked this of Jesus when they wanted him to give a sign proving his claims. Some witnessing the crucifixion said it when they told him to come down off the cross.

In Luke 4:9-12, when Satan tempts Jesus to prove God's love for him, Jesus recites Deuteronomy 6:16 and says, "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test."

Throughout the Gospels, people asked Jesus to show them a sign. In Luke 11, Jesus responds by rebuking their request. Then he teaches them the meaning of Jonah, how it was a foreshadowing of his death and resurrection. Again, I see this pattern. People ask for proof, Jesus responds with scripture to declare his trust.

Finally, people passing by during Jesus' crucifixion call out in Matthew 27:40, "If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross!"In verse 46, Jesus recites the opening line of Psalm 22, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" But this is a Psalm of trust. David expresses pain and feelings of desolation, but then says, "Yet you are holy, enthroned in the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame."

And after this, Luke 23:46 reports Jesus saying, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!" To me, this doesn't sound like someone who felt forsaken. It sounds as if Jesus trusted in God throughout the ordeal.

And what does this mean for us? If Jesus suffered worse than any of us in crucifixion and taking on the burden of all our sin, is it ever acceptable for us to give in to despair? Should we agree or disagree with Hebrews 13:5 when it says God will never leave or forsake us?

I'm sure there are more questions. I'm sure there is clearer explanation. But maybe this is a good start.

If God Really Cared.

Something just occurred to me.

People sometimes look at their circumstances and wonder if God really cares. If God cared, He would do something about it, right?

Scripture says of Jesus, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin."

So did Jesus wrestle with doubt and wonder if God cared about him? In Luke 4:9-12, we see Jesus facing this very temptation. Satan, in a series of temptations, took Jesus to the pinnacle of the temple in Jerusalem and said, "'If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written, "He will command his angels concerning you, to guard you," and, "On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone." And Jesus answered him, 'It is said, "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test."'"

My friend John put this into context for me last week. This is just like when we say, "God, if you really loved me, my wife wouldn't have this brain tumor." Or, "God, if you really love me, I won't be single into my thirties."

God understands our struggle and our circumstances. Jesus confronted questions just like ours. But Jesus didn't doubt God's love for him. He knew he didn't need to test it. We can also have assurance of God's love in what Jesus did for us. He already offered us salvation. What else does He have to prove?

"When Should I Pray?" - A trustworthy impulse.

My friend Funky, yes, Funky, cuts a pretty intimidating pose. He's taller than me, which is fairly tall. He's tatted all over, with a pretty killer one on his throat reading, "Let The Dead Bury Their Own Dead" or something like that. He wears a leather jacket. He played in a great punk band back when he lived in Nashville. What I'm trying to say is the guy always struck me as a tough dude.

So I love it when I get text messages from him every morning with Bible verses and quotes by theologians. After my house caved in, destroying my Bible among other things, this was the only Bible I read. He found out about this and sent me an ESV paperback. He's just about everything I admire in people. He's punk and a solid Christian.

Today, I received a quote via Funky-text: "Always respond to every impulse to pray. The impulse to pray may come when you are reading or when you are battling with a text. I would make an absolute law of this: always obey such an impulse. - Martyn Lloyd-Jones" My pastor made a similar statement recently during a meeting. "There are some things you really don't need to pray about. 'Should I pray?' Yes. 'Should I tell this person about Jesus?' Certainly."

I know I've realized this in my own life. I once felt like God sent me to a particular floor of a particular library so I could pray for someone. I sat in a chair on that library floor without a single person walking in for over an hour. Then a guy popped his head around the corner and asked for directions. I didn't feel a good lead in to pray for him. He didn't have a cast on. There was no look of desperation in his eyes. I felt fear, panic, that I would scare the guy with my asking to pray for him. So I asked God, "Do you want me to pray for this man?" And to both my confusion and relief, I heard, "No." I gave the man directions and decided to wait for someone else.

After a few more lonely minutes, I felt God telling me to go home. I asked Him what happened. "You knew you were supposed to pray, but you were afraid. You didn't trust me even though you were acting obedient. I would rather have someone else pray for him than have you pray for him without faith."

The second half of Funky's text came from Phillipians 4, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." This leads me to think there's never a good time to feel anxious and always a good time to pray.

I wish I could say I've learned my lesson. I wish I could say I always pray for people when I notice the need or feel the impulse. But I don't. Not always. Maybe the more I think about Phillipians 4:6 and the library incident, the more I'll dismiss the discomfort of praying for people.

Feel free to pray for me to get better at this, should you feel the impulse.

Idols In The Threshing Wall

I went on a mission trip eleven years ago to help Jewish people immigrating to Israel. For one reason or another, though, we only ended up having about four days worth of real work to do in Jerusalem. The rest of the time, we hired a tour guide to take us around the country. So yes, I too have gone on a mission trip that doubled as a vacation.

But even so, in the two weeks I spent over there, I learned more about my faith and its Jewish roots than all of my college religion courses combined.

On several occasions, the guide took us to places where the people of Israel tried to integrate idols into their worship of the one true God. Some were more obvious than others, such as the alter in the city of Dan where the people sacrificed to a statue of a calf. But one day, we went to a large and ancient threshing floor to learn about their agriculture. The builders had left small recesses inside the round wall circling the floor. Someone asked our guide if the people threshing there had put lamps in the walls to light their work after dark. "No," he said. "That's where they put idols to bless and prosper their harvest just in case they didn't see God answer their prayers."

Okay, so I've read the Bible. I know that God's people struggled with idolatry all the time. Maybe the threshing wall shouldn't have shocked me, but that was the moment I realized these people would have called themselves believers in God. They went to the temple. They put on the appearance of obeying God's laws. But inside of their home or their business or their relationships, they had idols. Just in case.

Ezekiel had the same kind of revelation in chapter 8. An angel takes him throughout the temple and shows him where the leaders and all the people really worshipped idols inside.

I know I'm not innocent of this attitude. In the past, I had plenty of days where I said, "God, I trust you, but I'm in real trouble if I don't get enough money for rent." Or, "God, I trust you, but I feel like I'll never get married if I don't do something about it myself." With those instances, and lots of others, I made decisions with a just-in-case mindset. I put idols in my threshing walls.

Have you ever found yourself saying, "God, I trust you, but..."?

Look out, Eugene Peterson! - My condensed version of the book of James

Does anyone remember when I spent six months writing about the Minor Prophets? My friend Abe told me he could summarize the book of Malachi in four words, "Don't F*** With God" Only he didn't say "***" He used the other letters. While you may not hear your pastor say that on a Sunday, I think he'd at least agree with the meaning.

I remember thinking about what it would take to condense the themes of scripture in a way that didn't feel like an Illustrated Children's Bible. This thought occurred to me again on Tuesday with some friends from church. Lifehouse Church has people meeting mid-week to discuss the book of James. The chapter we covered this week had an exercise where we give a title or write a phrase to describe sections of verses throughout James. I haven't actually read the Message, but I thought I would try to Eugene Peterson the crap out of it. More than just paraphrasing the passages, I wanted to see if I could condense the whole book.

I'm not saying this idea is a book deal waiting to happen, but I figure you might like to see what I came up with. Maybe pick it apart.

James - In short

"Look, I don't need to assert my authority. My name is James. You already know who I am.

Don't doubt God's goodness when times are hard. Just ask Him what's going on. He wants you to know. And don't let those hard times justify immature behavior.

You want people to respect your faith? Then help those who are in real distress. Seriously. If you've been freed by grace, then you have to understand it puts a responsibility on you to live like a free person. I need to see some evidence of change.

What you say indicates a great deal of what's happening inside of you, but actions are way more convincing. You've talked like adults but acted like babies. Look at where your version of faith has led you. It's lame. The evidence doesn't line up.

Instead of thinking you have all the answers, you need to listen to what God is saying. He knows how to direct everything better than you, including how you handle your relationships. I mean, what do you know anyway? He's eternal and your life is brief. You're not fooling Him.

So what exactly are you living for? Money? I'm not saying it's bad to have money, I'm just saying how you get it matters to God. If you're in a hurry for genuine gain, just be patient. See all the good God will give you. So don't bet on how great you are or how great you're going to be. Nobody likes a bragger. Ask God for anything in humility.

Now encourage each other in this."

After I finished writing this in my workbook, I thought, "Hey, that's a great way to learn what the Bible says." So simple. So, so simple.

Two questions, then. First, do you have any thoughts on my version of the Message? Second, have you done overviews like this? Sub-question, did you find them helpful?

Three Recent and Hasty Conclusions - My stumbling way of encouraging other restless believers.

Last week, my friend Jamie and I talked about vision for our church, evangelism, and boldness. At one point, he said, "We should hang out more often. It only took ten minutes of talking with another believer for me to feel encouraged." I felt it too. Spending time with other passionate Christians does encourage me.

I've realized a few things since that conversation.

1. I'm restless and I think more Christians should also feel restlessness. Until Jesus actually comes back, we should always feel a tug in our insides like there's something for us to do. The commission Jesus gave in Matthew 28 to make disciples, baptize people, and teach is called the Great Commission because it's such a dang big job. The world lives in darkness. People walk calmly to their destruction. Doesn't that make you want to do something? It makes me want to do something.

2. I don't feel like I do very well when it comes to telling people about Jesus. I get hung up by telling myself it's not the right timing or that the direct approach would only make the gospel noisome to unbelievers. I felt especially lame after reading Hebrews 10:38. "But my righteous one shall live by faith; and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him." Yeah, I know the author was referring to a messianic prophecy given to Habakkuk, but that doesn't make me feel better. It says elsewhere in Hebrews that without faith it's impossible to please God. But isn't faith a gift from God? It has to be. I need encouragement to live out my faith. I need the Holy Spirit to give me boldness.

3. I sometimes allow people to intimidate me. But who intimidates me more? People or Jesus? Lame people like me or the risen and triumphant King of all creation? Where does my confidence lie? I asked myself these questions this morning while reading 1 John 2 when it said in verse 28, "Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming." John's tone is gentle, like he's talking to his kids. I think he knew these people loved God. I think he knew these believers may have already recognized their lameness. I think he knew people needed encouragement to live out their trust in Jesus. This is a comfort. God's aware of my shortcomings, so He offers encouragement instead of making me feel like a loser. He wants to help me do good with my restlessness.

You can expect me to think about how to spur you on to live our your faith and tell people about Jesus. And, you know, if any of you feel compelled to do that same for me, I'd totally appreciate it.

Have you ever come to any of these three conclusions?

Has anyone or anything encouraged you to live out your faith in a new way?

Sparrows and Lillies, Insurance and Silverchair - A question on living out our trust in God.

The 90's had better radio rock than any other decade in America. I'll suffer no discussion on this. It's just the plain truth. I love 90's radio rock so much that I've told my wife I'd like to name a daughter Seattle.

But who would have known, who could have known, one of the best 90's radio rock albums would come from a trio of 15-year-old kids in the middle-of-no-place Australia? That's right. I'm talking about Silverchair and their hurricane debut album Frogstomp. Even if the rest of the album sounded like a dry fart, you have to love the song Tomorrow.

Now, I bring this up for one tiny, seemingly unconnected reason. The opening line in the second verse says, "You say money isn't everything. Well I'd like to see you live without it." And there I see a point of tension with a lot of people in the church.

In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus tells people not to worry about stuff like food and clothing. Several people walk away from Him disheartened by the cost of following Him (as in Mark 10:17-22 and Luke 9:22-24). But does that mean we really give away everything? Give up the security of money, family, and career? Consider the possibility of homelessness, persecution, and death?

If not, why not? Where does Jesus tell us to hedge our bets?

Yes, Proverbs does tell people to make plans, and Paul does tell Timothy how men should work to provide for their families. My problem comes from the attitude culture fosters in us. "God provides, but just in case, there's UnitedHealth."

While writing this, a guy at my wife's coffee shop asked me to talk with him about God. Within two minutes he tells me how he needs to pay his landlord a certain amount of money by 9:00pm or else she would throw him out. As I'm talking with this guy, I tell him what I can do for him. Then I say, "But I really think we should pray. I've seen God answer prayer over and over again when it comes to this sort of thing." And then the guy got mad. He says, "I don't need prayer, I need to pay my rent!"

Before you or I go tsk-tsking this guy, let's be honest. We've all felt that way in very desperate moments. Haven't we all at one point reacted just like him? We know we need God, but in the middle of a crisis we want the material means to alleviate the situation first.

Just so you know, the man did let me pray for him. Within twenty minutes, I worked out a solution with his landlord and the guy got two phone calls for odd jobs. Without looking me in the eye, the guy mumbled, "Maybe that prayer did work." Ha.

Maybe you don't think you would react like that guy. If so, let me ask you this: What if you somehow lost your health insurance? What if you had an emergency that your insurance wouldn't cover? What if it affected your wife or kids? Would you pray, trusting God to take care of you? Or would you honestly wonder if a good God could allow such a thing to happen to you and your loved ones? How would you feel if someone said, "Let me pray for you" when you had 24 hours before the end of your known universe? Is it wrong to say we worship what or who we trust most?

I'm not saying insurance itself is evil (although I can't give the same confidence to insurance companies), but I do think we should consider our heart in light of what we find in the Bible.

What kind of attitude do you think Christians should have?

Well-versed and Empty-hearted - Some thoughts on religious dullness.

Remember when I spent six months writing about the Minor Prophets (and yet gave you no links to Non-Prophets)? Instead of the now-familiar format where I share something I learn, I want to tell you about some meditations I've recently had while reading the Bible.

Last week, my friend Greg spoke at church about the presence of the Holy Spirit. In the message, he made two important points. One, the Bible is not enough. Yes, the Bible is completely necessary as a means for us to know God. But some people make the mistake of having a relationship with the Book and never get to know the Author. It's sort of like RLC Fan-club Christianity. There is a great danger in this. Modern man has tried for generations to understand God in strictly human terms. They use the Xerox copy as their standard of the total landscape. The picture is nice and all, but it's separate from their experience. So they use words like, "It's good to have faith, but..." As if faith were a pleasant virtue instead of a new way of life.

Two, the Holy Spirit changes lives. Some men from the church in Ephesus knew about repentance and baptism, they tried to "do" the stuff but hadn't received the Holy Spirit, let alone heard of Him. Acts 19:1-6 tells the story of these men finally meeting God, the Author, experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit. Their faith went from works to relationship in the space of a breath. Imagine watching this take place. They instantly began to speak in other languages and prophesy. How do you think they they would have explained it? Don't you think something like that would have changed their lives?

The Christian Church has seen its share of well-versed and empty-hearted people. In 2 Timothy 3:2-5, Paul warns the young pastor, "People will be self-loving, money-loving, proud, arrogant, insulting, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, uncontrolled, brutal, hateful of good, traitorous, headstrong, swollen with conceit, loving pleasure rather than God, as they retain the outer form of religion but deny its power." Don't slide your eyes over this list. I know I sometimes see words like "brutal" or "traitorous" and think the message couldn't possibly apply to me. The truth is I recently repented of a huge area of pride in my life, and I know I've insulted people. This warning should cause us to stop and consider if we are those who retain an outer form of religion while denying its power. Have our lives genuinely changed or have we merely memorized data about Him?

I grew up in dry and dusty Baptist churches and almost never heard anyone mention the Holy Spirit. This version of faith was a list of rules and guidelines, no matter how passionately I tried to tell my non-believing friends otherwise. Before I met the Holy Spirit, my faith, my life, was dull. I seldom repented because my heart was hard and I didn't understand the purpose of conviction. During a conference in 2004, Graham Cooke noted how Paul's last sermon in Acts was a message against religious dullness. "The Holy Spirit spoke well in saying to your fathers through Isaiah the prophet, 'Go to this people and say, "You will keep on hearing but never understand, and you will keep on seeing but never perceive, because the heart of this people has grown thick - with their ears they barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, for fear that they should see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their heart, and do repentance, so that I could heal them."'"

Since Greg's message, I have asked God to keep my heart sensitive to the Holy Spirit, to keep me from dullness. I don't want to go from a life of Stark Raving Obedience to the lukewarm, practical atheism of nominal Christians.

How do you feel about this? Are you content with once-a-week Christianity? Does the thought of God speaking to you fill you with anxiety? Do you want life with God, living in His presence as you work and eat and study and socialize, or do you just want to go to a nice place after you die?

If You're Down With P(erseverance)...

My pastor used the word "perseverance" in his sermon a few weeks ago and I started singing this song in my head. I missed the following point he made, but in that time I began to think about the topic of this essay.

Since writing on Deuteronomy 8, I have put much thought into God's motives for trials. My initial response says God does everything to glorify Himself. Lately, I considered another motive for testing. God allows trial in our lives to produce endurance demonstrated through perseverance. According to my dictionary in MS Word, endurance is "the ability or power to bear prolonged exertion, pain, or hardship." But we can make endurance a passive action, like waiting out a storm. "Perseverance", on the other hand, describes "steady and continued action or belief, usually over a long period and especially despite difficulties or setbacks." It's not enough to sit there and take the pain. God wants us to seek Him, build His kingdom, and keep moving forward.

Trials come to our lives in many different forms. Some must wait for God to rescue them or fulfill a promise like Jonah and Joseph. Others experience loss of material possessions or loved ones like Moses and David. Then there are those who go through long periods of suffering like Job. I have talked in the past how nothing surprises God. According to John Piper, God is incapable of risk because He knows the outcome of every action.

When God put these men through their particular hardships, He did so with purpose. God put Jonah in danger to change his attitude and turn him in the right direction. Joseph may have been sold into slavery and put in prison on false charges, but scripture says he worked diligently and gained favor everywhere he went. God used all those circumstances to train him for the day he would oversee Egypt and save many lives. Moses lost all the material benefits of a prince but God used him to liberate His people. David had his own wilderness experience when Saul chased him into the desert. Cut off from his family and loved ones, David wrote many psalms rejoicing in God. The king needed to know who truly rules over men. Job's story stands as a sober reminder of God's goodness and supremacy. He suffered all kinds of loss and illness to learn these lessons before God restored everything. God could give these men responsibility because they learned to trust His character and promise. They looked to the truth above the circumstances.

Scripture talks about the benefits of perseverance. Starting with Deuteronomy 8:11-19, Moses tells the people, "Look, God needed to put you through all the hardships of the desert. You needed to learn how to depend on Him while enduring blinding heat, venomous snakes, and scorpions. He sustained you while you lived out there and you were able to see it because of your obvious need. Remember this! No matter where you live or how good your quality of life, God alone sustains you. Follow Him." The actual text tells the Israelites the trials came to do them good, even if they felt like hell sometimes. Moses explains how God used these lessons to keep them from proud and lukewarm hearts.

In Stern's translation, 1 Peter 1:5-7 speaks of another value in perseverance. "Meanwhile, through trusting, you are being protected by God's power for a deliverance ready to be revealed at the Last Time. Rejoice in this, even though for a little while you may have to experience grief in various trials. Even gold is tested for genuineness by fire. The purpose of these trials is so that your trust's genuineness, which is far more valuable than perishable gold, will be judged worthy of praise, glory and honor at the revealing of Jesus the Messiah." Stern uses the word "trust" where many translators use the word "faith". Trials test the genuineness of our faith. I have talked with some people in the church who wonder about the authenticity of their faith. How do they know that they know they are saved? According to Peter, it seems perseverance is a good indicator.

Whether to keep us from sin, prepare us for responsibility, or remind us of our faith's genuineness, we should listen to Peter, James, and Paul when they tell believers to rejoice in trials. Yes, the situations themselves might suck but we can thank God for the Holy Spirit working in our lives. Be encouraged, my friends. Jesus didn't only save us from sin, He gave us the regenerative power of the Holy Spirit to live through hardships in ways that glorify the Father and do us good.

I Wanted So Much To Be A Man I Forgot How To Be A Child.

Early on in my church-going life, Sunday school teachers gave a lesson on "Faith Like A Child". They told the story of Jesus scolding His stupid adult disciples when they tried to keep the pure-of-heart children from surrounding Him. The lesson ended with my friends and I assuming we had stronger faith than our parents and maybe even our pastor. I'm not making this up. We discussed these things over graham crackers while we waited for our parents to pick us up after the service. Our six-year-old arrogance came from all the self-esteem lessons we learned in elementary school. Public school said we deserved to be treated like the center of the universe. Sunday school taught us, whether intentionally or not, we had a knack for faith. We were naturals.

I can understand why those Sunday school teachers didn't teach us Proverbs 22:15 in the same lesson. "Doing wrong is firmly tied to the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away from him." Our parents may have found us crying into our crackers if we heard that sort of thing. You're all sinners and need correction. It's true, though. From birth to old age, everybody sins. We tend to do what we want instead of what God wants, trusting ourselves over our Creator. That's sin. I didn't learn the sin lesson at Sunday school nearly as well.

In the following years, the pride I put in my faith settled in like a syrupy stain. Without realizing it, I became just like one of those disciples pretending to know better than Jesus. My interpretation of the Bible was better, my shortcomings ignorable, and my reasoning irrefutable. It's a dangerous attitude.

My pastor taught through a series on Proverbs last summer. The sermons paired with personal prayer and study made a significant change on my attitude. I decided to take more responsibility and seek wisdom. The church places a high value on discipleship and I began meeting with an awesome guy. He asked me at our first meeting, "What do you want to learn?" I thought about it for a second and said, "How to be an adult." I wanted to become a shining example of biblical manhood after the Proverbs study.

I had a good goal, but my attitude still carried the old stain of pride. If I could learn how to do things right then nobody would bother me to improve. I could give the answers instead of having to answer for myself. Yes, God wants boys to grow into men. He wants them to leave their parents and take wives, to work hard, to lead a family. But the subtle lie I accepted came from a warped idea of "independence".

All those months of reading Proverbs and I missed the number one, basic, first-grade principle from Proverbs 1:7. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline." Cory Wigal, pastor of Church on Church Street, put it this way, "Learning to fear God is the first smart thing anyone can do."

Without getting too far off track, I'll use a tried and true comparison for how we should fear God. My dad is a big man. He still has two inches and sixty-some pounds on me. I would need at least ten more years before I could take him in a fight. So you can understand how as a child I had a certain level of respect for my dad's strength. I may have mentioned the time I thought he was going to kill my brothers. Well, this image of my dad inspired a respect for his power, but he was also the man who let me sit on his lap while we watched episodes of Nova on PBS. He took me to Tigers games and wrote a song about my name. At times, he'd pick me up from behind and give me loud, smacking kisses on the cheek saying, "I LOVE YOU!"

This is the picture I have of a father. Why wouldn't I trust someone who could wipe me out but inexhaustibly loved me instead? My obedience to Dad was trust put into action. When I think of my relationship to God as Father, the statement still applies. Like the Psalmist, I wonder, who am I that He should be mindful of me? But He's the one who loved me so much He sent Jesus to die so I wouldn't have to pay for my own sin. Do I believe it enough to put my trust into action?

Let's look at the best Father/Son relationship in history. Jesus most certainly grew into a man according to Luke 2:52. His character doesn't lead me to believe He lived in a state of what my sister calls "adult-olescence". But He continued to trust God the Father enough to pattern His every action accordingly. In John 5, answering criticism for supposedly working on a holy day of rest, Jesus said, "Yes indeed! I tell you that the Son cannot do anything on His own, but only what He sees the Father doing; whatever the Father does, the Son does too. For the Father loves the Son and shows Him everything He does." Here is a perfect picture of childlike trust. I have tried in the past to give a solid definition of faith. Jesus, being God, defined a life of faith by trusting His Father and imitating Him.

The lie of independence absolutely denies this kind of trust in the Father. It leads me to believe I can make decisions based on my own wisdom. This lie told me I could rightly discern between good and evil like God. Faith requires me to trust God over everything. If I do anything apart from following His lead, then I fail to imitate the perfect example of a life faith set by Jesus. Romans 14, talking about everyday things like meals and calendars, makes this very clear: "Whatever is not from faith is sin".

Maybe a righteous life isn't defined by a list of do-and-don't. Could it be that righteous living means we become like children and trust God the Father, telling people we want to be like Him, obeying Him out of both respect and love? Fools run from God's wisdom and discipline. If I try to be independent of His oversight and do things on my own, does that make me a bad kid more than a responsible adult? In light of this, Romans 8:1 gives me even more comfort when it says, "There is no longer any condemnation awaiting those who are in union with the Messiah Jesus."

I once told the man discipling me at church how I wanted to be an adult. Here is my new goal: I want wisdom. To get wisdom, I must always respect God above everything. I must accept what He says and learn from His discipline. This will never change. In time, though, I may come to a point where I can read Proverbs 4:1-3 to my children with confidence. "Listen, children, to a father's instruction; pay attention, in order to gain insight; for I am giving you good advice; so don't abandon my teaching. For I too was once a child to my father; and my mother, too, thought of me as her special darling."

Any wisdom I may have to share in the future doesn't depend on a vague level of adulthood, but rather on a humble recognition of God as the source of all wisdom. I was once a child who trusted my dad. I want to continue living as a son who trusts his Father.

Slowly Drifting Into Lukewarm Waters - A closing thought on The Twelve.

I used to get beat up a lot in elementary school. Like, a whole lot. I won two of the countless fights. First against one kid, then later against two. From then on, I lost every fight because they typically involved a sizable gang of soccer players against one bookworm. My idea of fights changed from an unpleasant but sometimes necessary confrontation to something I should avoid at all cost.

But it wasn't fights I hated. I hated having people gang up on me. With every essay I wrote throughout this series of The Twelve, I had a growing sense of dread that another crowd of aggressors would soon form to pummel me.

After finishing Malachi, I let out a deep breath and thought to myself, "I made it. On to the next topic." But then I felt the Holy Spirit confront me through scripture in a few passages. He had more hard lessons for me in Matthew 13 and Deuteronomy 8:11-19.

The parable of the sower comes from Matthew 13. Instead of reciting what we may assume as familiar and recognizable verses, I'll paraphrase in hopes we will begin to recognize the hard truth of this passage. A man went into his field to sow, or scatter seed. Some fell onto the hardened pathways and were eaten by birds. Some fell on rocky soil where the plants soon sprouted. But the shallow soil didn't allow for deep roots and the sun caused the plants to wither. Some seed fell among thorns and the plants could not compete with the weeds for nutrients. They also died. But some of the seed fell on good soil. These plants grew strong and their roots went deep. The seed and grain they produced in their growth multiplied many times over.

Jesus later explains this story to His disciples. The soil represents our hearts and how they respond to the Word of God, or the seed. The heart may be so hard that it doesn't at all recognize or accept the truth of God's word, so like birds, an enemy to the farmer, our Enemy steals the seed away.

The heart may have a surface conveniently covered in soil. It may look ready for life to grow in it, but the hardness of the path lies below the surface, preventing firmly established roots. When trouble or pain comes like the inevitable heat of the sun, the showy plants wither away and die. If the farmer didn't know what lay beneath the surface, it may have come as a surprise. Those plants appeared healthy and vibrant, but they had no substance in the soil of the heart.

The heart may have soil where the word could grow, but thorns and weeds also occupy that heart. Jesus explained how the thorns represented "the worries of the world and the deceitful glamor of wealth". They vie for attention in the heart, take its energy, and cause the word planted to "produce nothing". One might look at this patch of soil and think, "Well, there's a plant there. They've obviously accepted Jesus enough to invite Him into their heart. It's just a shame about all those thorns..." But in Matthew 13, it doesn't appear Jesus would agree. What's the difference between a plant growing among stones and thorns if neither produces a yield?

It's the heart removed of harness and worldly cares which grows strong and bears goodness.

Moses warned God's people of the hardness and thorns before they entered the Promised Land in Deuteronomy 8:11-19. "Be careful not to forget the Lord your God by not obeying His commands, rulings, and regulations that I am giving you today. Otherwise, after you have eaten and are satisfied, built fine houses and live in them, and increased your herds, flocks, silver, gold and everything else you own, you will become proud-hearted.

"Forgetting the Lord your God - who brought you out of the land of Egypt, where you lived as slaves; who led you through the vast and fearsome desert, with its poisonous snakes, scorpions and waterless, thirsty ground; who brought water out of flint rock for you; who fed you in the desert with manna, unknown to your ancestors; all the while humbling you and testing you in order to do you good in the end - you will think to yourself, 'My own power and the strength of my own hand have gotten me this wealth.'

"No, you are to remember the Lord your God, because it is He who is giving you the power to get wealth, in order to confirm His covenant, which He swore to your ancestors, as is happening even today. If you forget the Lord your God, follow other gods and serve and worship them, I am warning you in advance today that you will certainly perish."

God brought the people of Israel through the Sinai Desert for them to learn this lesson: They were weak and helpless. He is their only source and hope for life. That last verse stung like a kidney punch when I thought of the message of The Twelve. If you follow other gods and despise God, who is your source of life, you will die.

So here I sit before you all with purpled eye-sockets, hugging my stomach after getting dog-piled by every minor prophet, Moses, and Jesus Himself. Revisiting the theme of each minor prophet, I experienced heavy, heavy conviction. It was so easy to write as if I were on the side of God and prophet, shaking my head in disbelief at the foolishness and evil pervading God's people. After a few days of prayer and reflection, I realized that I am as wicked and foolish an idolater as any of God's people in the days of the prophets.

When I applied for my job, I went to that particular business because I believed God wanted me there to speak into peoples' lives. He made it clear to me - this job wasn't about the paycheck. Over time, I let little cares, little weed-seeds, take root in my heart. I began to care about my pay. I began to care about career advancement. I was proud of my financial responsibility and strong work ethic. As Moses put it, I began to say to myself, "My own hard work and abilities have given me favor and success."

Ugh. What a load of crap. James 1:17 is clear that every good thing in my life comes from God. In 4:13-16, he confronts my proud attitude. "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such-and-such a city, stay there a year trading and making profit'! You don't even know if you will be alive tomorrow! For all you are is a mist that appears for a little while and then disappears. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wants it to happen, we will live' to do this or that. But as it is, in your arrogance you boast. All such boasting is evil."

Why is it evil? Because I have put my trust in myself, in the wealth I could produce, and was frustrated over the wealth I didn't produce because I thought I deserved more. God appears nowhere in that line of thinking. I didn't put my trust in Him. My faith rested on me, on money, on success and a good reputation. Hosea likened this to adultery. Joel warned of God's wrath toward the proud. Amos told many "believers" they deserved this wrath. Obadiah encouraged his listeners to trust God's reputation more than surrounding circumstances. Jonah showed the futility of thinking anyone had the right to call God unfair in His judgment. Micah shattered the idea of acceptable worldliness or "harmless sin". Nahum reminded us that God alone is perfectly able to judge between good and evil. Habakkuk abandoned his attitude of entitlement and humbly, even joyfully, accepted God's judgment. Zephaniah condemned the worship of anyone or anything less than and apart from God. Haggai showed the how focusing on our circumstantial problems took away from worshiping God. Zechariah gave a plea to follow God instead of our own wisdom. Malachi shook us awake with a sober reminder that God wants our whole heart's devotion and nothing less.

I once noted how the pre-exile prophets often spoke against idolatry, serving false gods that promised fertility, prosperity, and security. The post-exile prophets may not have had to compete with Ba'al or Molech in terms of statues or furnaces, but the sin of the people remained the same. They worried over provision and security, failing to trust in God to give them all they needed, and thus living without faith. The writer of Hebrews drew a hard line in saying anything apart from faith is sin.

In the past two months, I have heard a large number of people use variations of this phrase: "Yeah, it's good to have faith, but you have to think about..." That's not to say we should live without thinking or having a plan, but the people who said these things were worried about the practical needs of everyday life. God tells people to avoid laziness and work hard in Proverbs, but Jesus also told His listeners not to worry about what they will eat or wear. Work hard, but know that God provides. Any anxiety takes your trust from Him and puts it in some worthless idol like the economy or your own abilities. One man looked at my fiance and said, "God forbid you get pregnant..." because he thought it would destroy us financially. Yes, it's good to have a stable home in which to bring a child. My future wife and I want very much to prepare before we have a family. Scripture is clear, however, that children are a blessing from God. Why would I want to forbid any blessing and call it a curse just because it didn't appeal to an idol of finance? Where is my trust in God if I carry that attitude?

After hearing from some of these men and women, it horrified me to think that I might have initially agreed with them and bowed to the same idols. In his discussion on Matthew 13, Francis Chan warned, "Don't assume you are good soil". My heart may not have been a hardened path, or full of stones, but I can see how weeds had begun to choke my trust in the Word of God which told me "Be anxious for nothing". I saw myself living and working for reasons other than God's glory.

I read Revelation 3:15-17 and felt the Holy Spirit calling me out on my sin. "I know what you are doing: you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm, neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of my mouth! For you keep saying, 'I am rich, I have gotten rich, I don't need a thing!' You don't know that you are the one who is wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked!" I was becoming lukewarm because of my growing trust in financial stability and the pride in achieving it. If I continued this drift into lukewarm waters unrepentant of my ways, would God have been right in spitting me out? Does that sound like one receiving salvation?

In this conviction, I read verse 19 and accepted it with resolution. "As for me, I rebuke and discipline everyone I love; so exert yourselves, and turn from your sins!" Even though I may have felt beat up on the playground, it was more like the time my mom tackled my brother to keep him from running away to a dangerous place. It was a hard, violent action, but it kept him from going toward willful destruction. I am sure of my salvation only because the Holy Spirit's conviction brought me to repentance. This isn't to say that my exertion saves me, but it lets me know that He is at work in me. I don't want to be casual about my salvation, so I'm willing to paddle out of these waters with both hands if necessary.

This essay is in part public repentance, but it is also a challenge. I learned a serious lesson. Why wouldn't I want you to examine your heart the same way? I'm asking you to please consider these questions. What makes you think you're good soil? What makes you think that you haven't been an idolater and let the cares of life pull you away from trust in God? If you were to look deep inside yourself and see sin choking the roots of your faith, would you be willing to go through the turmoil of letting God pull it out? Or is your world so precious you would rather go on living like the Pharisees who honored God with their lips while their hearts were far away from Him?

So maybe it wasn't a gang of people surrounding me in this time of conviction. I can see it now as God speaking to me in every passage, wrestling with me, poking His finger in secret places and dislocating joints. Like I said at the beginning, it's so much better when the confrontation is one-on-one, and this is one fight I feel good about losing.

Encouraging Endurance - Or, avoiding Ishmaels.

A pastor I know in Michigan once told me that he sat in the front row of his own sermons. My weblog’s description says that I write about what God teaches me through prayer. Very often, I feel like I’m exposing my own life in Jesus rather than teaching others how to live. For example, Ribs, Patience, and Trust. So I’m going to get a little personal here.

I believe that God has made several promises for my life. I’ve written all of them down and regularly read through them as I pray. He has fulfilled some of them and this encourages me to keep asking for the others. Even so, I have yet to see the other promises fulfilled. Sometimes, as I wait, I become frustrated and even despair. “Will these ever happen?” When I talk about it with other believers, I feel silly because I know in my heart God is faithful. The knowledge of God’s faithfulness, though, doesn’t necessarily make me feel better.

Certainly, you all have experienced this feeling. It’s easy to forget we serve an infinite God who lives outside of time, who created time and has sovereign control over it. Spiritually, we can grow weary in trusting and waiting. In that weariness, I have looked for distractions. Then the distractions become idols as I seek comfort from the frustration. God told me those promises to give me hope for things to come and I believe this is why the writer of Hebrews encouraged believers to endure in their waiting. Hebrews 10:36, “For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.” (NASB)

In The CJB (Complete Jewish Bible) translation, the word “trust” substitutes for the word “faith”. Trust implies that a person’s life demonstrates their belief in the truth. They have a confidence in what they know. Hebrews 11:1 describes, “Trusting is being confident of what we hope for, convinced about things we do not see.” The following verses describe how different men in the Old Testament trusted God’s promises and were called righteous. This lifestyle is so important, the writer says in verse 6, “And without trusting, it is impossible to be well pleasing to God, because whoever approaches him must trust that he does exist and that he becomes a Rewarder to those who seek him out.”

Of all the people mentioned in this passage, I like the one about Abraham best. Hebrews 11:11, “By trusting, he received potency to father a child, even when he was past the age for it, as was Sarah herself; because he regarded the One who had made the promise as trustworthy.” One could read this verse and think, “Yeah, Abraham. He must have really trusted God with the promise of a son.” But even Abraham and Sarah got tired of waiting at one point. In Genesis 16, Sarah pimps her Egyptian slave-girl out to her husband so they can have a child somehow, anyhow. Abraham doesn’t seem to put up much of a fight, which I find interesting.

So he has sex with his wife’s slave. Of course, this attempt to speed along God’s promise through their own wisdom turned ugly. Hagar, the slave-girl, becomes pregnant with a son named Ishmael. Only then does Sarah regret her actions. She complains to Abraham, who shrugs his shoulders and denies any responsibility in the matter. Sarah quickly comes to hate Hagar, treating her “so harshly that she ran away”. Craig Brown, pastor of City Church in East Nashville, noted how Exodus uses the same word for harsh treatment to describe Egypt’s cruel abuse of the Hebrew slaves. Sarah didn’t just say mean words and give cold looks. This wasn’t mere gossip with the other slaves to vilify Hagar. She beat the shit out of this poor woman, possibly to a point near death.

Looking at the story of Hagar this way, we might think differently of this righteous man of faith who’s trust stood as a testament in Hebrews 11. Instead of judging Abraham, though, we need to recognize this as a cautionary tale of what can happen when we fail to endure. It would do me well to remember what can happen when I try to take matters in my own hands because I’m frustrated and impatient.

When God appears to Abraham in chapter 17, he falls on his face in repentance. In no passage do I see where God punished Abraham for his sin (unless you consider adult circumcision punishment). What does God do? He repeats His promises. He encouraged Abraham to trust His promise and wait for the miracle.

In light of this, we can read that famous passage in Hebrews 12:1-4 with some new perspective. “So then, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (referring to the people spoken of in chapter 11), let us, too, put aside every impediment – that is, the sin which easily hampers our forward movement – and keep running with endurance in the contest set before us, looking away to the Initiator and Completer of that trusting, Jesus – who in exchange for obtaining the joy set before him (or promised to Him), endured execution on a cross as a criminal, scorning the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Yes, think about him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you won’t grow tired or become despondent. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in the contest against sin.”

Jesus, as our example, endured death on the cross because of God’s promises. He knew of the promises in the Old Testament where God would bring salvation through His Son, the Messiah. He repeatedly told His disciples that He had to suffer and die so God might fulfill these promises. During the beatings, mockery, unjust trials, shame, and crucifixion, Jesus could have called down angels and had them slaughter every offender. Yet He obediently endured and continued to trust the Father through it all.

Among the many things I believe God wants to give me, He has promised me a wife and children. A few years ago, I “grew tired and became despondent”. It pains me to say it, but I picked someone who I figured would say yes. We dated, got engaged, and I went on my merry way toward sinful misery. God, in His mercy, convicted me and I ended the relationship. Since then, I’ve continued on in trust, allowing Him to direct my steps toward a wife. But the path doesn’t always make sense and I must admit that I find myself again growing tired. I’m saying this partially to let you know of my own journey in trusting God. I’m also saying this because I need to sit in the front row of my own sermon. Abraham was 100 years old when God gave him Isaac as a son. I don’t think I’ll have to wait that long for God’s promise in my life, but shouldn’t I trust Him as if I did? Do I ever have a right to let doubt and weariness justify my own Ishmaels?

As an encouragement, I’ll end with James 1:2-4. “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (NASB) God uses hard times like these because it produces endurance. It makes us stronger, more able to handle bigger promises and the challenges involved. James tells us that endurance through these struggles will come to our good. In them, we will lack nothing.

Trust and the Wall of Discomfort

Last week, my publisher sent me the galley proof of Stark Raving Obedience. I spent all weekend going through the text, taking time out only for baseball and church. While reading, the Holy Spirit used my own book to convict me. Several times in the book, I encourage people to act on the truth they read in the Bible. All I could think about were the times in the past month where I didn’t obey, missed my opportunity, or misunderstood the cue.

The top, number one, inexcusable excuse for my shortcomings? Discomfort. You could call it a host of other things. “Fear of man” “Fear of rejection” “Lack of faith”, all of which might describe what happens when I’m well aware of God’s will and still bail.

During the past week, a few things happened to reinforce what the Holy Spirit brought to my attention. First, I read a comment on Stuff Christians Like from this girl. She quoted from Kierkegaard’s Provocations by way of Shane Claiborne. “But we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend to be unable to understand it (the Bible) because we know very well that the minute we understand, we are obliged to act accordingly. Take any words in the New Testament and forget everything except pledging yourself to act accordingly. My God, you will say, if I do that my whole life will be ruined. How would I ever get on in the world?” At first, I laughed and copied the quote for my own use.

Two days later, I decided to give myself a break from work. I drove a mile down the road from my house to Greer Stadium, home of the Nashville Sounds, a Triple A baseball team. I asked for a seat all the way down the left field foul line, five feet from the bullpen bench. For most of the evening, I listened to the relief pitchers and bullpen coach analyzing the game. If anyone looked over my way, they may have thought I was keeping score. Actually, I was writing down bits of their conversation. At one point in the fourth inning, the starting pitcher came to bat. He took two strikes in bunt attempts then swung for strike three. Minutes later, the bullpen coach told one of the relief pitchers to start warming up for the next inning. The guys on the bench tried to figure out why their starting pitcher wasn’t finishing a decent game.

Later, they learned what happened from the backup catcher. Apparently, after strike two, the batting coach signaled for another bunt attempt. The pitcher looked at his coach like he must have lost his mind. If he missed another bunt, strike three, a wasted at-bat, another out. The pitcher shook off the signal and motioned back to the coach that he wanted to swing. To the pitcher, the coach’s sign looked like idiocy. Suicide. But then again, the pitcher’s solution didn’t work, either. Coach was so angry he benched the pitcher.

One of the relief pitchers started laughing. “Man, if coach calls for a bunt, you give him a bunt.” Then after a moment, he started analyzing the situation. “I can see why they guy decided to swing, but coach was right. One out with a man on first and third is a great bunt opportunity. Either he advances the runner from first to second and gets him in scoring position or we somehow manage to pull off a squeeze play and bring the guy on third home. We might have taken the lead.”

I can’t say this was the pivotal moment where the Sounds began to lose the game. It is minor league ball, after all, which has enough errors to make me believe I’m watching theater. Even so, from that inning on, the team trailed the rest of the game and lost.

Immediately, I wrote this conversation on my program and made the connection to my attitude in prayer. There are days where God signals for me to pray for someone or tell them about Jesus. It’s not always so drastic. Sometimes He tells me to send an email or make a phone call that I forget about. But there are times when I absolutely know what God wants. He made it clear in prayer and scripture. Proclaim the good news of Jesus, pray for the sick, that sort of thing. But then I’m shaking off the signal or pretending holiness by asking, “God, do you want me to pray for this person?” After a silence, God says “No” and I feel justified in my nervousness. But maybe God said no because I’ve proved my lack of faith by not acting on the truth I know in the Bible. Maybe I just got benched for that game.

Now before you think I’m sitting in a chilly Nashville coffee shop moping about my failures, I want to assure you that God has used me to pray for and minister to more people now than ever before. Because of this, though, I’m noticing more instances when I don’t follow through on what God puts on my heart. It’s like the difference between walking into a wall and running full speed into it.

As I talked with God about my attitude when I run into the wall of discomfort, He reminded me of a parable in Matthew 21:28-30. “But what do you think? A man had two sons, and he came to the first and said, ‘Son, go work today in the vineyard.’ And he answered, ‘I will not’; but afterward he regretted it and went. The man came to the second and said the same thing; and he answered, ‘I will, sir’; but he did not go.” In the next verse, Jesus asks the religious leaders “Which of the two did the will of his father?” They said, “The first.”

We can find ourselves asking God to speak to us, to give us a sign, but then shake it off when He tells us something. There are lots of people who would ignore parts of the Bible that they'd rather not confront. I’ve found myself with that attitude in the past. The Bible is offensive. What if you really did live by what it said? What would become of you? I can tell you. It will ruin you. You’ll end up sacrificing everything. But take comfort in what Jesus told Peter in Mark 10:28-30. “Peter began to say to Him, ‘Behold, we have left everything and followed You.’ Jesus said, ‘Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life.’”

It may be hard to reconcile with the hundredfold embarrassment, persecution, or other trials, but the promise outweighs the cost. I’d rather be the son working for God despite the discomfort or supposed inconvenience. I’d rather bunt and stay in the game than strike out and watch other men do what I should be doing on the mound. When I’m running that marathon and hit the wall of discomfort, I can remind myself that the wall isn’t made of bricks. It’s made of lies and orange gelatin. It might hurt a little and feel gross, but God has enabled me to push through and keep going.

The Newest News.

A few of my weblog-writing friends have told me of stat trackers and counters and other ways to know people actually read their writing. I don't have any of those features. Every time I write a post, I assume that only ten or so friends and family will take the time to read all of those words. I think I want to continue feeling surprise when anyone else writes a comment or email regarding my essays. All that to say, I have no idea how many people might be upset with what I say next.

For the first time in the not-quite-year-long history of 'Am-ha'aretz Press, I'm only going to have posted one essay in a month. I don't count this extended disclaimer as a post. It's more of an explanation for what's to come. Maybe it's an apology, but I don't feel sorry. Here's what's going on, Press readers...

I base most of my posts on what I've recently studied or what God has taught me during times of prayer. About five weeks ago, I began to approach some big questions about God's soveriegnty, the nature of my relationship with Him, and how these things affected my work in His kingdom. In my arrogance (there you go, I admitted it), I didn't think this new study would be too much trouble. Instead, it shook out all of my brain's drawers and ripped everything out of my soul's closet then demanded I put it back in order. What I mean to say is, I've had to rethink just about everything in the past five weeks.

Here's a taste of what I've had to endure: Faith is both believing and living according to God's word and it's impossible to please God outside of faith. Sin, as far as I know, is living according to anything apart from God's word. Nothing in my life can be autonomous because that would mean I've tried to take control of something from God or that God had given away control. Autonomy and faith are absolutely exclusive. If this is true, then is it right to believe or operate as if I have autonomous control over my decisions?

Exactly. That's the kind of thing I've had to deal with.

In a tone some people reserve for breaking bad news to loved ones, I told my mom last week, "I think I'm a five-point Calvinist." I felt like I was telling her that I had a heroin addiction or that I'd simultaneously impregnated a hooker while catching a viscous VD. For a guy that both attended and disliked Calvin College, this was a hard admission. Maybe that's not as bad as the hooker/VD thing. I guess it's more like realizing that I actually enjoy Ryan Adams and Wilco. Which I don't. But saying that aloud in Nashville would make me a marked man. I'm just trying to express the severity of what I've had to admit. Ugh.

Until I put those drawers back in the dresser and rearrange my closet, I might not be able to put any of my essays up here. I'll keep writing them. That's for sure. And when I can explain why I think these things are true, I'll let all of you read them.

The other reason I don't want to post these essays yet has to do with the sensitivity of any readers who haven't considered the questions I've wrestled with. I told one of my close friends about this over a pint one night. He and I discussed the heart of God and His perfect mercy in relation to His perfect justice. That's the kind of thing I prefer to discuss while imbibing. At the end of our conversation, I told him, "If God leads me to understand this is true, then I'm sure I'll have to write both about God's sovereignty and His heartbreak." In The God Who Is There, Francis Schaeffer spoke of "tearing the roof off" of a person's system of belief. One can't destroy this without offering the person some help to rebuild.

So I'll keep putting my room back together, so to speak, and nailing new shingles on my own roof. I hope to talk to you all about it next month.

A Working Faith

Even though I write about my life as a Christian, I spent a good deal of my life detesting books listed under “Christian Living”. The books I would take off of my dad’s shelf sometimes had phrases like “living by faith” or “taking steps of faith” or “developing faith”. There are certain phrases that I had heard enough Bible teachers say without ever explaining what they meant, eventually my mind would pass over the topic whenever I encountered it. So I could never explain “faith” whenever my friends outside of the church ever asked me about my faith. The word had meaning the same way that “glory” has meaning in some churches. They know it means something, and that it has to do with God, but they stutter whenever you ask them to define their terms.

I’ve begun to see the importance of defining terms. I recently told a story about a man challenging me on how I used the words “belief” and “faith” interchangeably. It took me months before I could understand the difference. I felt a certain satisfaction in finally understanding a word that I had used hundreds of thousands of times in ignorance while unknowingly (or secretly) hoping that listeners would understand.

Think about this in your own life. How many times have people asked you to explain or define faith and you find your mouth hanging open absolutely puzzled? And how about this brain bender: if we’re saved by grace and not by works, then why does the Bible say that faith without works is dead? Like a college essay question, I used to BS my way through the whole thing.

As I write this, I am sitting in the lower level of the library at Belmont University. They’ve hidden all of the theology, religion, and philosophy books in the depths of the building behind inconspicuous doors marked “Not An Exit”. Not many of my friends on campus are even aware of this place, which means it’s really quiet. I’ve been coming here nearly every day since last week to study and write. But today, for some reason, I’m unable to use my usual online study guides. I think maybe the shadowy lords of Belmont Wi-Fi have figured out that I’m not a paying student. All of this to say that I will be using the Complete Jewish Bible for my scripture references. For the sake of the reader, though, I’ll use the glossary to translate names and words that might not be familiar. I just made you read this whole paragraph to make that one point. Now, moving on…

Here are a few things Paul states in Romans 10. In verses 9 and 11, he says, “that if you acknowledge publicly with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and trust in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be delivered.” Then, “For the passage quoted says that everyone who rests his trust on him will not be humiliated (referring to Isaiah 28:16).” If you read this in other translations, note how the Hebrew translation uses the word “trust” for “faith”. Many people have heard what Paul says a few verses later how faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17).

Hebrews 11:6 says, “without trusting, it is impossible to be well pleasing to God, because whoever approaches him must trust that he does exist and that he becomes a Rewarder of those who seek him out.” To restate my definition of terms, “belief” is mentally ascribing yourself to something. My belief rests on the truth that I find in the Bible. I demonstrate this when I tell people that the Bible is absolutely true. “Faith” is acting upon the truth to which I have mentally and verbally given myself. This is why the Bible can say, “believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved” and that a public acknowledgement of Jesus as the risen Lord delivers us.

But “faith” is something else. Faith takes the truth of the Bible and stirs a real change in our day-to-day lives. That means we have to act as if we really believe ourselves when we say that the whole Bible is true. I mean, to say we believe it and live as if we don’t places us in a frustrating situation. That’s why James says faith without works is dead. Without evidence of some change by the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives, a person who claims belief in the Bible speaks empty words.

So if living by faith, as a Christian, means living in moment-to-moment reality trusting that the whole Bible is true today, this presents a question of responsibility to believers. Hebrews 11:6 made it clear that it is impossible to please God outside of faith. If faith means that we have to base our actions on what we read in the Bible (Romans 10:17 again), then doesn’t that mean it would be sin for us to read something in the scripture and not apply that to our everyday lives? If I make a decision about a situation on my own wisdom apart from the Bible, am I not basically saying that I don’t need God to figure it out? Isn’t that ethically living outside of faith? Isn’t that sin?

Now what if we could depend on the Bible as truth, that it does apply in reality today? Let’s look at a few verses. Matthew 10:1, “Jesus called his twelve disciples and gave them authority to drive out unclean spirits and to heal every kind of disease and weakness.” And what about the redemptive work of salvation? Because Jesus came to earth, lived, died, rose again, and ascended into heaven, those who trust in this have great promises. Not only will their sins be forgiven, but according to Isaiah 53:5 and Psalm 103:3 says that salvation brings physical healing. James 5:14-15 says, “Is someone among you ill? He should call for the elders of the congregation. They will pray for him and rub olive oil on him in the name of the Lord. The prayer offered with trust will heal the one who is ill – the Lord will restore his health; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” Notice also how salvation refers to sin and sickness each time. That happens a lot in the Bible. I think it’s safe to say that salvation and healing are not two separate things.

Beyond healing miracles, what about simply hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit? Isaiah 30:21 says, “With your ears you will hear a word from behind you: ‘This is the way; stay on it, whether you go to the right or the left.’” John 16:13, “However, when the Spirit of Truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own initiative but will say only what he hears. He will also announce to you the events of the future.” That last part refers to prophecy. Paul talks at length about this and other gifts of the spirit in 1 Corinthians 12-14. And for you dispensationalists out there, was Paul writing about this for the benefit of the exclusively gifted apostles, or to a church of former pagans that needed to understand a reality that God had shown of himself?

Healing the sick, casting out demons, raising the dead, prophesying, speaking in languages unknown to the speaker, a personal and verbal (even if unspoken) relationship with the Holy Spirit. I mean, even going out preaching the gospel, baptizing people, and discipling them. The Bible instructs people to do that stuff. If you say that you believe the whole Bible, are you willing to read it and trust that God will enable you to do it? Remember that only God makes us able to live by faith. But when we resist Him, what does that say about our belief in the Bible? I won’t demand that you answer for this, but I can tell you that one day you will have to give an answer, just like I will have to give an answer.

I’ll leave you with this, though, in hopes that you won’t be all bummed out at the end. There’s a reason I quoted Romans 10:11. If you do put your trust in God and live it, you won’t be humiliated. Well, that doesn’t guarantee you won’t be embarrassed sometimes. But God has stated the truth of the Bible and called us to live accordingly so that He will be glorified. Believers are a part of His plan to reveal Himself to the world because we demonstrate the reality of who He is in our lives. That’s the way He set it up. So when we live based on our trust in the Bible, we get to be a part of what He’s already going to do.

The Importance of Being Right – Or, a possible path toward unbelief.

Recently, I considered the topic of predestination. Unless we’re talking about the movie 12 Monkeys, I don’t typically like discussing the hopelessness of man’s decisions. The topic surfaced again when my roommates and I read about the atonement in Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology. One roommate took the side of particular redemption. I told him that I could only, at this point, agree with particular redemption after the fact. That is, I will only tell a person that Jesus came to specifically save them, that God chose them from before their birth for salvation, after they have already accepted Christ. And consequently, I will regard every unbeliever as one who may potentially accept Christ. My roommates and I talked for about an hour and a half on the subject. I finished my argument later by saying, “Even if I’m wrong, I can’t be mad. Nobody deserves to be saved. One person receiving salvation is more than the whole of mankind deserves from God.”

The conversation ended well even though we didn’t come to an agreement. As I washed the dishes afterwards, I smiled at the thought that a room full of opinionated men could still be humble in their beliefs. There were no assaults made against a person who didn’t agree with one side or another. We tried to come to an understanding based upon what we know of scripture and cared only that we lived our lives in a way that honored God. I haven’t fully adopted Reformed theology, but I am still thinking about the points made in its defense. I want to know more about God. In order to make sure that I don’t become stubbornly proud in my faith, I have to remind myself, “I don’t know everything.”

At the end of Stark Raving Obedience, I spent a little time writing about Blaise Pascal. In the book Pensees, he said that man is a point on a line and limited in his ability to comprehend either end of the line. Man cannot comprehend the extremes of anything in nature. There are numbers so big and small that we have yet to count them. The Universe continues to expand, and we have only begun to chart the vastness of it. On the other hand, scientists keep finding smaller and smaller subatomic particles. Some light and sound waves are too high or low for our senses, and maybe our machines, to register. Yet these extremes exist regardless of our ability to know them. Pascal’s argument was that some Being must fully comprehend these extremes. This was one argument he made for the existence of God. He said that it was man’s great joy to discover more of what God had put in place, but man must humbly recognize that he will never arrive at full and complete comprehension. This belongs to God alone.

Toward the end of George MacDonald’s Lilith, the narrator struggles to understand a truth Mr. Raven tells him. Apparently, the narrator is in a dream, but everything seems quite real. He doubts that his senses deceive him. Everything feels real, so how could it not be real? If his current surroundings were a dream, how would he know if he ever truly entered the waking world? Mr. Raven explains, “Thou doubest because thou lovest the truth. Some would willingly believe life but a phantasm, if only it might for ever afford them a world of pleasant dreams: thou are not of such! Be content for a while not to know surely. The hour will come, and that ere long, when, being true, thou shalt behold the very truth, and doubt will be forever dead.”

I often think about Pascal’s picture of humble learning and taking joy in discovery. But does this mean that any skepticism of new understanding puts me in the wrong? According to MacDonald, it shows that I have a love for the truth, a truth I can never fully understand apart from God’s illumination. I want my knowledge to form a complete whole instead of a pile of facts with which I can agree. I want to learn, but I’m trying to reconcile what I have already learned with any new information. If I’m going to learn anything, I sometimes have to allow for the possibility that I’ve previously accepted something untrue. This is the hard part. So hard, in fact, that I need the Holy Spirit to help me change my thinking.

I take this very seriously because of how easy it is to resort to an “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality. The danger in this attitude comes from a resistance to truth not previously understood. If it doesn’t make sense, it’s a breeze to disregard it as nonsense, right? Priests and bible teachers of Jesus’s day were arrogant in their knowledge of scripture, but they didn't see Jesus as the fulfillment of all those prophecies they had memorized. In John 8, they couldn’t recognize Him when He stood right in front of them. Jesus had come to the temple to teach and said in John 8:12-14, “Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.’ So the Pharisees said to Him, ‘You are testifying about Yourself; Your testimony is not true.’ Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Even if I testify about Myself, My testimony is true, for I know where I came from and where I am going; but you do not know where I come from or where I am going.’”

Did you ever wonder why the Pharisees said, “You are testifying about Yourself; Your testimony is not true”? I think they were trying to trap Jesus with His own words. Three chapters earlier, Jesus said in John 5:31, “If I alone testify about Myself, My testimony is not true.” But then he says in verse 32, “There is another who testifies of Me, and I know that the testimony which He gives about Me is true.” This is why Jesus answered the Pharisees accusation by saying, “Even if I testify about Myself, My testimony is true, for I know where I came from and where I am going; but you do not know where I come from or where I am going.” He knew that He was the Son of God, one in and with the Father, but these religious leaders had no understanding of the Trinity to know the truth when they heard it. It didn’t make sense, so they disregarded it.

My pastor pointed out that John 8 takes place in the temple court. The priests kept huge oil lanterns burning day and night to signify God’s presence in the temple. Here they stood, focused on the representation of God’s presence and unable to see God Himself standing before them saying, “I am the light of the world.” It probably would have been okay if they had responded by saying, “Huh? We don’t understand what you’re saying, Jesus. Why don’t you explain it to us?” The disciples said that all the time. But the Pharisees didn’t want Jesus to explain. They wanted to trap Him and prove Him a liar. They wanted to be right.

What did that leave them with? Unbelief, I think. Graham Cooke once said, “The Bible talks about ‘an evil heart of unbelief”. And it’s not that if you have unbelief, your heart is evil. What it’s saying is that the impact of unbelief on your heart is really evil. You commit yourself to a life of toil, struggle, and pain. It damages everything.”

What’s the opposite of unbelief? Faith. Then that probably means the impact of faith on your heart is lovely. I’m not going to say that thinking you’re right equals unbelief, and thinking you’re wrong equals faith. Put it in terms of the attitude you have towards knowledge. Is it arrogant and prideful? Then you’re in danger of unbelief just like the Pharisees in John 8. Is it humble, allowing for new understanding? I’d say that’s a good step toward faith.

Having said all that, I encourage you to both seek as well as stand firmly upon truth. People used to tell me that I had to be open minded. At the heart of their argument, they wanted me to admit that their version of truth was just as valid as mine. Which is funny because this meant they didn't think my explanation of truth was valid. I didn’t budge from my position that there is one eternal God. That not all gods were God. That truth was not relative. Absolutely nothing will change my mind about these statements.

So whether God knew (and therefore picked) who would be saved, or if He made a genuine offer of salvation to all, Jesus is the only way to salvation. I can stand on the truth of Christ and yet continue to learn more about this truth. At least on this, the roommates and I can agree.