Redirecting Attention - A humble theme.

Whenever I write a post for the Press, I like to present it a certain way. There's usually a personal anecdote, a quote, or some kind of analogy I can use as an opener. A lot of writers do this to, you know, Zazz up the content, keep it from sounding too textbook.

I think I have another reason for using this style, though. If I'm honest with myself, there's a part of me that wants desperately to have people like what I do and I sometimes assume readers will most enjoy my clever stories. It's a part of me I would like to see put to death. No one likes a loudmouth people pleaser.

There's a reason I'm saying this now. Since last week, I've had this post idea nagging at me. I know I should write it, but I didn't know how to package it in a way I thought would appear interesting. I worried I would seem boring if I only wrote what I thought about a passage in the Bible.

I realize I just used this device again. I'm sure I'll continue to use it, but I thought a confessional would help support the point this post.

In Luke chapters 1 and 2, I noticed a repeating theme. Whenever people come in contact with Jesus, they praise God. In 1:39-45, a pregnant Mary visits Elizabeth, mother of John the Immerser (or, yes, Baptist). Elizabeth is filled with the Holy Spirit and recognizes Mary is carrying the Son of God. In response to this, Mary focuses her praise on God. "My soul magnifies the Lord."

When an angel appears to the shepherds in 2:8-12 to tell them about the birth of Jesus, a multitude appears and sings, "Glory to God in the highest."

Simeon, upon seeing baby Jesus at the temple, rejoices saying, "Lord, now you are letting your servant depart in peace, according to your word; for my eyes have seen your salvation." Directly after this in verse 38, a prophetess named Anna enters the temple. "And coming up at that very hour she began to give thanks to God and to speak of him to all who were waiting for the redemption of Jerusalem."

Even Jesus used people's attention toward him as an opportunity to direct it towards God. He once told his critics in John 5:19, "The Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise."

I don't want you to think I'm separating Jesus from God. I know they are one and the same, one being the Father and the other the Son. But I like how the Trinity praises the other parts of itself. The Holy Spirit testifies of Jesus. God proclaimed His pleasure in the Son after John baptized Jesus. More than anyone else, God has the right to tell everyone "Pay attention to me!" But over and over, I see Him doing it in a demonstration of humility by drawing the attention to the other parts of Himself.

Does that make sense? The trinity is a tricky topic.

Do you struggle with wanting people's admiration? Do you have a crippling need to have others like you? What would it look like to have all of the time and energy spent on making ourselves look good redirected towards God? I wonder what it would be like to have people see me and praise Jesus.

The Humble Peasant King.

If you've paid attention for the last few weeks, you know how slowly I have crawled through the first two chapters of Luke. Even though I've read the book several times, I continue to find parts of the story I've never noticed.

In Luke 2, we find the Christmas story as made famous by Charles Schultz. Verse 7 says Jesus was born in a stable because there was no room for his family at the Inn. I never asked myself why God would orchestrate the birth of His son like this. If not in a palace, why not at the very least have him born in a comfortable place? Why invite the local ner-do-well shepherds to the party?

I think Jesus hinted at this later to his disciples in 22:24-27. "A dispute also arose among them, as to which of them was to be regarded as the greatest. And he said to them, 'The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those in authority over them are called benefactors. But not so with you. Rather, let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves. For who is the greater, one who reclines at the table or one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.'"

If Jesus had come to earth as a powerful or wealthy man, people may have felt compelled to listen and obey. He might have found more panderers than genuine followers. More than anyone, though, Jesus demonstrated humility and became a servant.

Do you think you would have had an easier time listening to a humble peasant or a proud ruler?

The Politics Of Fame And Glory - How I realized my self-righteousness was driven by a fear.

If you've read this weblog for the past few months, you might know that I play in a band called the Summer Country. I feel comfortable talking to you about this because there are only, like, twenty of you, and half of you share my last name.

In the past, I've written about false humility and musicians getting more credit than they deserve. I haven't forgotten. Between those two ideas, I live in tension. I don't think I should receive the adoration all who see me, but I don't think I suck either.

So far, this tension has led me to become a terrible self-promoter. I may have mentioned that before, too. Whenever I'm challenged to do something more with the music, I quote Proverbs 27:2. "Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips." Not only is that simply great advice on how to keep yourself from arrogance, it ends the discussion with most people. And it's a discussion I don't like to have with them.

Tonight I asked myself why. Why don't I want to talk about what I do? Why don't I want to listen to the people telling me I should learn how to promote myself?

It took less than a minute to realize it's because I'm afraid of my image. Isn't that dumb? I rail against self-promotion because I don't like the idea of selling myself. The underlying, unspoken motivation comes from living in Nashville and hating how other people sound when they constantly self-promote. And I don't want to sound like those guys. But isn't that just as bad? Aren't we all trying to look cool, even if we have different reasons?

I'd be selfish either way. I don't know how to change it just yet, but I realize something does have to change.

Unless you have some great advice for my situation, I'll finish today's post with a song I wrote. I don't want to be famous, but I want people to listen.

Who, me? - A look at Moses Syndrome

Last weekend, The Warrior Dash came to Tennessee. If you don't already know about it, imagine a 5K with obstacles like barbed wire hurdles, walls of fire, mud pits, etc. When you get the the end of the race, after having a fire truck hose you down, you get a 32 ounce mug of beer and a giant turkey leg to reward yourself. My company chose this as our yearly team build, and I loved it. Can you tell?

That's me getting sick air over one of the fire walls.

Here's one of me after crawling through mud under barbed wire. Jogging shorts aside, my Finnish ancestors may have looked like this.

Before this race, I had a terrible feeling I was going to embarrass myself, what with never exercising and all. But I felt great. Turns out I kind of like running. When my mom called to ask me about it the next day, I told her, "I expected it to be a lot worse, but I think I could really do well next time if I actually trained."

Then Mom said a very mom-like thing. "You've always been stronger than you think." It's one thing to hear this from someone like Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid. I'd probably nod my head without saying a word and continue to catch flies with chopsticks. But coming from Mom, this sort of stuff can still make a guy react like a junior high kid afraid his friends will overhear.

So I fought it. "Nah," hoping a simple dismissal would move the conversation along.

"It's true!" She said, dismissing my dismissal. "I saw you outrun all the athletes on the obstacle course in high school."

My next defense? I fought it. "Yeah, but that was back in high school. And those kids were smokers." This was, of course, a lame defense, since I had only just quit smoking for the second time back then.

Here's what I don't understand. In some settings, I act like the greatest guy in the room, but I act like a nobody when other people compliment me. When I play with the Summer County at some bar, I throw myself into the show. When my pastor asked me to join the rotation of worship leaders for our two campuses, I honestly wondered if I was the right person to ask.

Hesitation is a real problem, guys. And it's nothing new.

Burning Bush: "Moses, I want you to lead my people out of Egypt. You are now my official ambassador."
Moses: "Um, are you sure?"

Voice of God: "Jeremiah, I want you to prophecy to the King and all the people in Judah. You're just the guy I want for the job."
Jeremiah: "But I don't even have a degree, Lord. I'm just a kid."

Angel of the Lord: "Hey, Gid, God wants you to raise an army and overthrow your oppressors."
Gideon: "I'm a part of the weakest tribe and I'm hiding out in my dad's barn. Have you got the right guy? You'll have to give me a sign or something."

I wonder what it was that made Moses or Jeremiah or Gideon balk when God called them great men. Some people have a christ complex and think they're the saviors of the world. Other people have Moses Syndrome. But God saw something in these three guys. I mean, shoot, He created something in them. Think about it.

Does God ever have unreasonable expectations? Is it ever really possible for Him to be disappointed?

A New Era For the Press.

While driving through Kentucky in a van full of stinky dudes, we all got into an argument. As you do. One guy said I was impossible to talk to because I presented everything as if I already assumed I had the right answers. "First," I said, "I don't always have the right answers. And second, any idiot would agree that..." and I continued to press my point with crushing logic.

My wife and I met with our pastor and his wife over the course of a few months for pre-marital counseling. During one meeting, he had us discuss how we argue. Turns out I'm a persuader. Our pastor told us my ability to persuade isn't wrong, but I need to learn how to use it with humility and grace.

Next month, 'Am-ha'aretz Press will have lasted three years. In that time, I have written (or at least done my best to write) two essays a month about what I have learned in prayer and study. Not a bad format. Better, I think, than some who write about their cat (System of a Meow) or about how much they dislike their classmate in homeroom (John-what's-his-name Memorial High School Rumor Hub).

But now I'm wondering if my format, by default, shuts down conversations because of the way I present it. On a few occasions, I've opened the floor for reader interaction. Once in a great while I'll get a response. Most of the time, I hear from my parents, Dan, or Julia (my Facebook fan). But I want to see something more.

I want to see people get something more.

So here's my proposal. I'm going to continue posting about things I learn in prayer and study, but put up my thoughts and questions on the topic in more readable doses. Instead of writing as if I'd finished another book for you to read, I'm going to post part of my thought process about what I plan to write in the future. That way you can have a hand in what I learn and address.

I also want to increase the frequency of posts. Maybe four times a month to start. Maybe a couple times a week in the future. Who knows...

If weblogs are the future of public discourse, I'd better learn from my Kentucky road trip and allow one of you a word once in a while.

It's Not The Band I Hate, It's Their Fans - Why Christians need the church.

"I believe in God, but I don't agree with organized religion."
"Isn't the church supposed to be anybody who believes in Jesus? Why do we need an institution to believe in Him?"
"The church burned me, so I don't go anymore."

You've probably heard this sort of thing on more than one occasion. You may even say it yourself. When I was a teenager, the men running the youth group compelled me to become the worship leader. I was sixteen. two years later, when I realized I had serious sin issues to deal with, I told the youth pastor of my decision to step down from leadership. He tried everything to get me to change my mind until finally he said, "If you stop leading worship now, you'll never lead worship again." He told me I would lose the gift. I tried attending meetings once or twice after this happened, but I couldn't handle the stress of people trying to force me back on stage. As a result, I stopped going to church altogether for a long time.

That's my burn story. I think just about everybody has at least one story telling of how someone in the church hurt them. Some are more subtle, like feeling overlooked and unloved. Some are just puzzling, like how my brother was kicked out of a youth group for smelling like smoke. Still others are horrifying, like the stories of molestation and other abuse.

In the last decade or so, I've seen a growing number of people tell me they love God but hate the church. At first, this sounds as logical as liking a band but hating their fans. "Lord, save me from Your followers," and all that. A few years ago, I worked on a film with director Rik Swartzwelder. He and I got to talking one day about the Emergent Church movement. He told me, "It seems like this whole thing happened because some people were hurt and decided they had an axe to grind with the church. But I wonder if what they're doing is going to turn out any better."

So what should followers of Jesus do? Should we respond to the failures of men by rejecting the church or by understanding and seeking a biblical church with good leadership?

To start, I think we should read the Bible and see what Jesus said. In Matthew 28:19, He told His followers to make disciples. That doesn't mean to simply make converts, dunk them in water, then move on to the next unbeliever. Jesus spent years pouring into the lives of his disciples, teaching and correcting them. For that to happen, the disciples had to gather. I think Jesus always intended to establish the church. He told His disciples of it when Peter proclaimed Him as the Messiah in Matthew 16. In chapter 18, He told them how to deal with conflict among believers, telling them to present a case before the church if the offender refuses to repent. Most importantly, Jesus repeatedly told His disciples to treat each other with humility. He did so in Matthew 18:4, John 13:14, and Luke 14:11.

Many of the epistles in the New Testament are instructions on how the church should function. Paul opened his letter to Titus with guidelines for appointing church leaders, or elders. James 5 says elders are to pray for those in sickness. Paul also told Titus and Timothy to teach sound doctrine to the church and warned them against deceivers.

I especially like 1 Peter 5:1-5 as a guideline for good church leadership. "Therefore, I exhort the elders among you, as your fellow elder and witness of the sufferings of Christ, and a partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed, shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for 'God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.'"

There are those who today would say the church shouldn't have leaders who hold office, that there's no hierarchy in God's church. I would agree that the church shouldn't have leaders acting like princes, lording power and influence from "the people". I don't think it should be a matter of control, but rather of servant-leadership, following Jesus' example.

A biblical church will have members and leaders who demonstrate humility and participation. I feel like this would be a good time to quote C.J. Mahaney from a section called Just Being Together Isn't Sufficient in his book Humility. "I hope you're meeting regularly with others for fellowship and accountability, but please know that for this to be a means of grace and growth in your life, two things are required as an expression of your faith.

"First, humbly recognize your need for others. I'm convinced that left to myself, if I'm seeking to grow by myself, I'll only be deficient in discerning the sin within, and I'll therefore experience only limited growth in godliness. That's why I need the care and correction of my wife and fellow team members, and why I must pursue their care and correction. I need help, and so do you. You can't effectively watch yourself by yourself; you need the discerning eyes of others.

"The second requirement for effective small-group fellowship and accountability is that you and I must aggressively participate. Don't assume that by merely attending a group, by merely associating with those who are godly, you're therefore satisfying God and growing in godliness. That is deception."

Participation is scary, though. It means letting other people into your life and having the courage to join people in theirs. After my own bad experience, I left the church and treated it with much cynicism. Only when I asked Pastor Craig Brown why anyone would want to become a "member" did I finally understand the importance of participation. He said, "Let me ask you a question. You have a lot of spiritual gifts, don't you?" I told him I did. Then he asked, "But you don't have anyone in authority over you teaching you how to use those gifts effectively?" I laughed nervously and admitted I didn't. Not only that, but I realized I had no place to use those gifts in a way that would bless others and allow for others to bless me. That's when I knew God wanted me in a church.

What about you? What's your experience? What do you think about the Bible's emphasis on the church meeting together? Are you like many, struggling to act with humility and aggressive participation? Know this: you're not alone in your pain and confusion with the church. The question is whether or not you plan to do anything good about it.

Slowly Drifting Into Lukewarm Waters - A closing thought on The Twelve.

I used to get beat up a lot in elementary school. Like, a whole lot. I won two of the countless fights. First against one kid, then later against two. From then on, I lost every fight because they typically involved a sizable gang of soccer players against one bookworm. My idea of fights changed from an unpleasant but sometimes necessary confrontation to something I should avoid at all cost.

But it wasn't fights I hated. I hated having people gang up on me. With every essay I wrote throughout this series of The Twelve, I had a growing sense of dread that another crowd of aggressors would soon form to pummel me.

After finishing Malachi, I let out a deep breath and thought to myself, "I made it. On to the next topic." But then I felt the Holy Spirit confront me through scripture in a few passages. He had more hard lessons for me in Matthew 13 and Deuteronomy 8:11-19.

The parable of the sower comes from Matthew 13. Instead of reciting what we may assume as familiar and recognizable verses, I'll paraphrase in hopes we will begin to recognize the hard truth of this passage. A man went into his field to sow, or scatter seed. Some fell onto the hardened pathways and were eaten by birds. Some fell on rocky soil where the plants soon sprouted. But the shallow soil didn't allow for deep roots and the sun caused the plants to wither. Some seed fell among thorns and the plants could not compete with the weeds for nutrients. They also died. But some of the seed fell on good soil. These plants grew strong and their roots went deep. The seed and grain they produced in their growth multiplied many times over.

Jesus later explains this story to His disciples. The soil represents our hearts and how they respond to the Word of God, or the seed. The heart may be so hard that it doesn't at all recognize or accept the truth of God's word, so like birds, an enemy to the farmer, our Enemy steals the seed away.

The heart may have a surface conveniently covered in soil. It may look ready for life to grow in it, but the hardness of the path lies below the surface, preventing firmly established roots. When trouble or pain comes like the inevitable heat of the sun, the showy plants wither away and die. If the farmer didn't know what lay beneath the surface, it may have come as a surprise. Those plants appeared healthy and vibrant, but they had no substance in the soil of the heart.

The heart may have soil where the word could grow, but thorns and weeds also occupy that heart. Jesus explained how the thorns represented "the worries of the world and the deceitful glamor of wealth". They vie for attention in the heart, take its energy, and cause the word planted to "produce nothing". One might look at this patch of soil and think, "Well, there's a plant there. They've obviously accepted Jesus enough to invite Him into their heart. It's just a shame about all those thorns..." But in Matthew 13, it doesn't appear Jesus would agree. What's the difference between a plant growing among stones and thorns if neither produces a yield?

It's the heart removed of harness and worldly cares which grows strong and bears goodness.

Moses warned God's people of the hardness and thorns before they entered the Promised Land in Deuteronomy 8:11-19. "Be careful not to forget the Lord your God by not obeying His commands, rulings, and regulations that I am giving you today. Otherwise, after you have eaten and are satisfied, built fine houses and live in them, and increased your herds, flocks, silver, gold and everything else you own, you will become proud-hearted.

"Forgetting the Lord your God - who brought you out of the land of Egypt, where you lived as slaves; who led you through the vast and fearsome desert, with its poisonous snakes, scorpions and waterless, thirsty ground; who brought water out of flint rock for you; who fed you in the desert with manna, unknown to your ancestors; all the while humbling you and testing you in order to do you good in the end - you will think to yourself, 'My own power and the strength of my own hand have gotten me this wealth.'

"No, you are to remember the Lord your God, because it is He who is giving you the power to get wealth, in order to confirm His covenant, which He swore to your ancestors, as is happening even today. If you forget the Lord your God, follow other gods and serve and worship them, I am warning you in advance today that you will certainly perish."

God brought the people of Israel through the Sinai Desert for them to learn this lesson: They were weak and helpless. He is their only source and hope for life. That last verse stung like a kidney punch when I thought of the message of The Twelve. If you follow other gods and despise God, who is your source of life, you will die.

So here I sit before you all with purpled eye-sockets, hugging my stomach after getting dog-piled by every minor prophet, Moses, and Jesus Himself. Revisiting the theme of each minor prophet, I experienced heavy, heavy conviction. It was so easy to write as if I were on the side of God and prophet, shaking my head in disbelief at the foolishness and evil pervading God's people. After a few days of prayer and reflection, I realized that I am as wicked and foolish an idolater as any of God's people in the days of the prophets.

When I applied for my job, I went to that particular business because I believed God wanted me there to speak into peoples' lives. He made it clear to me - this job wasn't about the paycheck. Over time, I let little cares, little weed-seeds, take root in my heart. I began to care about my pay. I began to care about career advancement. I was proud of my financial responsibility and strong work ethic. As Moses put it, I began to say to myself, "My own hard work and abilities have given me favor and success."

Ugh. What a load of crap. James 1:17 is clear that every good thing in my life comes from God. In 4:13-16, he confronts my proud attitude. "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such-and-such a city, stay there a year trading and making profit'! You don't even know if you will be alive tomorrow! For all you are is a mist that appears for a little while and then disappears. Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wants it to happen, we will live' to do this or that. But as it is, in your arrogance you boast. All such boasting is evil."

Why is it evil? Because I have put my trust in myself, in the wealth I could produce, and was frustrated over the wealth I didn't produce because I thought I deserved more. God appears nowhere in that line of thinking. I didn't put my trust in Him. My faith rested on me, on money, on success and a good reputation. Hosea likened this to adultery. Joel warned of God's wrath toward the proud. Amos told many "believers" they deserved this wrath. Obadiah encouraged his listeners to trust God's reputation more than surrounding circumstances. Jonah showed the futility of thinking anyone had the right to call God unfair in His judgment. Micah shattered the idea of acceptable worldliness or "harmless sin". Nahum reminded us that God alone is perfectly able to judge between good and evil. Habakkuk abandoned his attitude of entitlement and humbly, even joyfully, accepted God's judgment. Zephaniah condemned the worship of anyone or anything less than and apart from God. Haggai showed the how focusing on our circumstantial problems took away from worshiping God. Zechariah gave a plea to follow God instead of our own wisdom. Malachi shook us awake with a sober reminder that God wants our whole heart's devotion and nothing less.

I once noted how the pre-exile prophets often spoke against idolatry, serving false gods that promised fertility, prosperity, and security. The post-exile prophets may not have had to compete with Ba'al or Molech in terms of statues or furnaces, but the sin of the people remained the same. They worried over provision and security, failing to trust in God to give them all they needed, and thus living without faith. The writer of Hebrews drew a hard line in saying anything apart from faith is sin.

In the past two months, I have heard a large number of people use variations of this phrase: "Yeah, it's good to have faith, but you have to think about..." That's not to say we should live without thinking or having a plan, but the people who said these things were worried about the practical needs of everyday life. God tells people to avoid laziness and work hard in Proverbs, but Jesus also told His listeners not to worry about what they will eat or wear. Work hard, but know that God provides. Any anxiety takes your trust from Him and puts it in some worthless idol like the economy or your own abilities. One man looked at my fiance and said, "God forbid you get pregnant..." because he thought it would destroy us financially. Yes, it's good to have a stable home in which to bring a child. My future wife and I want very much to prepare before we have a family. Scripture is clear, however, that children are a blessing from God. Why would I want to forbid any blessing and call it a curse just because it didn't appeal to an idol of finance? Where is my trust in God if I carry that attitude?

After hearing from some of these men and women, it horrified me to think that I might have initially agreed with them and bowed to the same idols. In his discussion on Matthew 13, Francis Chan warned, "Don't assume you are good soil". My heart may not have been a hardened path, or full of stones, but I can see how weeds had begun to choke my trust in the Word of God which told me "Be anxious for nothing". I saw myself living and working for reasons other than God's glory.

I read Revelation 3:15-17 and felt the Holy Spirit calling me out on my sin. "I know what you are doing: you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm, neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of my mouth! For you keep saying, 'I am rich, I have gotten rich, I don't need a thing!' You don't know that you are the one who is wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked!" I was becoming lukewarm because of my growing trust in financial stability and the pride in achieving it. If I continued this drift into lukewarm waters unrepentant of my ways, would God have been right in spitting me out? Does that sound like one receiving salvation?

In this conviction, I read verse 19 and accepted it with resolution. "As for me, I rebuke and discipline everyone I love; so exert yourselves, and turn from your sins!" Even though I may have felt beat up on the playground, it was more like the time my mom tackled my brother to keep him from running away to a dangerous place. It was a hard, violent action, but it kept him from going toward willful destruction. I am sure of my salvation only because the Holy Spirit's conviction brought me to repentance. This isn't to say that my exertion saves me, but it lets me know that He is at work in me. I don't want to be casual about my salvation, so I'm willing to paddle out of these waters with both hands if necessary.

This essay is in part public repentance, but it is also a challenge. I learned a serious lesson. Why wouldn't I want you to examine your heart the same way? I'm asking you to please consider these questions. What makes you think you're good soil? What makes you think that you haven't been an idolater and let the cares of life pull you away from trust in God? If you were to look deep inside yourself and see sin choking the roots of your faith, would you be willing to go through the turmoil of letting God pull it out? Or is your world so precious you would rather go on living like the Pharisees who honored God with their lips while their hearts were far away from Him?

So maybe it wasn't a gang of people surrounding me in this time of conviction. I can see it now as God speaking to me in every passage, wrestling with me, poking His finger in secret places and dislocating joints. Like I said at the beginning, it's so much better when the confrontation is one-on-one, and this is one fight I feel good about losing.

Eight of the Twelve - A very frank conversation.

It's impossible for me to remember every prayer I pray and every word I hear from God without writing it down. That's why I began to keep a prayer journal back in 2003. In it, I write my words in parenthesis to distinguish my voice from the Holy Spirit. This way, I'm able to see the flow of conversation and remember who said what. If anyone were to read how God and I interact without knowing the purpose or function of the journal, I may be accused of schizophrenia. I can especially see that during the parts where I use the words "Huh? But Lord..."

Journaling prayer isn't a modern innovation, though. Not that I'm putting my spiral notebooks on the same level, but some of the prophets record when God told them to write His words. Among them were Jeremiah, John when he received the Revelation, and Habakkuk.

As a child, I would refer to Habakkuk in Sunday school to see if the other kids knew it was in the Bible. Kind of like that old joke where the preacher opens a message with, "Please turn to the book of Hezekiah," and you laugh at the sound of onion skin paper fluttering around the room. However, in the last few months, I have seen or heard three Bible teachers refer to Habakkuk. It seems times have changed for the journaling prophet. He's at least a little more like Ferris Bueller and a little less like Anthony Michael Hall in the Breakfast Club.

Habakkuk wrote a discussion he had with God in prayer. It started as a complaint and the prophet asked God some pointed questions. After God's response, Habakkuk wrote a humble song of praise. I want to refer to C.J. Mahaney in his book Humility: True Greatness and its discussion of Habakkuk. "I believe we all need to listen intently to Habakkuk so we can emulate his example when our circumstances seem to contradict the character and promises of God. And let me assure you: At some point in your life, you will know circumstances that seem to contradict the character and promises of God, if you haven't already. At some moment in your future, life will not make sense." Mahaney then puts forth an excellent discussion on Habakkuk's transformation from pride to humility. Even though I recommend anyone to read his book, I want to focus on another aspect of this prophet. Habakkuk and God spoke candidly to each other.

I believe this also sets an example for how we can approach God when life doesn't make sense. Chapter 1 begins with Habakkuk's prayer, "Lord, how long must I cry to you without your hearing? 'Violence!' I cry to you, but you don't save. Why do you make me see wrongdoing, why do you permit oppression? Pillage and cruelty confront me, so that strife and discord prevail. Therefore the Law is not followed; justice never gets rendered, because the wicked fence in the righteous. This is why justice comes out perverted."

If this were written in my prayer journal, I may have said it like, "Lord, you told me to pray but it doesn't seem to do any good. People are still sinning wickedly around me and taking advantage of others. They're cruel and quarrelsome. They despise the Bible, the standard of truth, and choose to live their own way. But that affects me and everyone else, God. It's not fair!"

Mahaney points to Habakkuk's prideful tone in this prayer. God does address this, but I want to make note of how He does not reproach Habakkuk for asking the questions. In 1:5-6, God replies, "Look around among the nations! What you see will completely astound you! For what is going to be done in your days you will not believe, even when you are told. I am raising up the Chaldeans, that bitter and impetuous nation, who march far and wide over the earth to seize homes that are not their own." God responds in turn with Habakkuk's prayer and goes on to tell him of the coming judgment. To paraphrase, "Yep, I'm pissed about their behavior, too. That's why I'm sending the terrorists in to level the place and take it over. Their army is stronger, faster, and meaner than yours. Diplomacy doesn't matter to them. But before you accuse me of allowing evil for evil's sake, you should know that I'm going to punish them as well."

Understandably, Habakkuk doesn't like this answer. My prayer journal would have read, "Huh? But Lord... that city they're going to destroy? I live there!" So the prophet asks God to explain Himself and in 1:13 writes, "Your eyes are too pure to see evil, you cannot countenance oppression. So why do you countenance traitors? Why are you silent when evil people swallow up those more righteous than they?" This kind of sounds like back-peddling. "Lord, I know I said we were bad, but these guys are worse. This doesn't make sense to me."

This reads like a very frank conversation between people who know each other. I want Christians to understand that we can come before God with this kind of familiarity, though not necessarily with the same attitude. I've met a good deal of people who tell me they want to hear God's voice. After we talk about how to listen, they often return telling me, "I didn't hear anything." My best answer to them is, "Keep praying. Keep listening." When my dad first began learning how to listen in prayer, he said, "I'm not going anywhere until you say something to me, Lord."

Habakkuk says something similar in 2:1. "I will stand at my watchpost; I will station myself on the rampart. I will look to see what He will say through me and what I will answer when I am reproved." He went somewhere by himself and waited quietly until God answered his questions. The rest of chapter 2 chronicles God's answer.

I'm not suggesting we treat God casually. These frank conversations aren't meant to diminish God's glory and majesty. We are, in fact, to respond in praise like Habakkuk in chapter 3. And like Habakkuk, our relationship with God should cause us to thank Him for Jesus. It's through Jesus' death and resurrection we are able enjoy this kind of intimacy. For Habakkuk, he knew God wouldn't completely destroy His people because of Jesus. In 1:12, the prophet said confidently, "My God, my holy one, we will not die." God had promised over and over to bring Messiah, Jesus, through the Jews. In 3:13, Habakkuk's song repeats this confidence and reminds the listener of God's plan for salvation. "You come out to save your people, to save your anointed one (Hebrew: Messiah); you crush the head of the house of the wicked (a reference to the prophecy in Genesis 3:15), uncovering its foundation all the way to the neck."

If I were to let you read my journals, you would see that my frank conversations with God haven't led me to show Him contempt. When He answers me, my love for Him grows because I understand more of His character and promises. I argue with Him less these days and, I'm happy to say, praise Him more.

Pride and Humility - Understanding how strength can become a destructive weakness

Many people in our church have committed to reading the book of Proverbs three times this summer. When I made this commitment, I also decided to change my actions and thinking when the Holy Spirit highlighted certain passages. The book promises wisdom to young men and I wanted my heart open to receive whatever instruction it offered.

Having read the book several times (dad would make me read through the whole thing as punishment whenever he heard me use foul language, which means I have some catching up to do), I expected to have one or two minor confrontations in what I would read this time. Certain passages about work and savings challenged the way I approached finances. Verses regarding family especially shifted my thinking from “something in the future” to “something I need to prepare for today”. Already, I see the benefit of living according to scripture.

A certain verse stood out during my prayer time one morning. Proverbs 16:18, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” Being a man who frequently suffers from seasons of arrogance, many people around me had quoted “Pride comes before the fall”. It’s not as if I had never noticed the verse before, so I put it out of my mind as a simple moment of recognition, like when I come across old Sunday School memory verses.

Some time later, a friend of mine told me about how he had to discipline his daughter. “She’s a really great kid,” he said. “I don’t want her to feel punished because she’s bad. I want to encourage her with correction.” He asked her to read The Screwtape Letters so she might see some of the ways the enemy uses deception. We talked about Lewis’s point in Mere Christianity where Satan creates nothing and only perverts everything God already created. God creates strength, Satan turns it into brutality. God creates alcohol (believe it, people), Satan pushes for drunkenness. God creates sex, Satan develops porn. This reminded me of a Graham Cooke teaching where he talks about praying in “the opposite spirit”. The idea is that truth is stronger than lies, purity is stronger than impurity, and so on. So when a person is struggling with sin, pray for God to reveal who they are in Jesus and encourage them to live they way He intended. During this teaching, Cooke jokes, “Nobody ever thinks to themselves, ‘I want to be the worst Christian in history!’”

Then I remembered Proverbs 16:18. God has given us all certain gifts and talents. He gave Samson strength, but he became proud and used his strength for selfish purposes. The Bible specifically talks about David’s good looks in 1 Samuel 16. He was attractive, and he eventually gave into sexual sin in 2 Samuel 11. His son Absalom possessed great leadership qualities, but Absolom used his power over the people to incite rebellion in 2 Samuel 15.

Dad used to tell me that my greatest strength is also my greatest weakness. During that period of my life, I could easily detect this in others. A guy I knew in Michigan had incredible relational skills and powers of persuasion. At one time, he told me, it was his life’s mission to get as many people as possible on drugs. Particularly acid. Then Jesus got a hold of him and he became a pastor, using those same gifts for the Kingdom of God. A girl at my old church was an actress and model. She was beautiful and had the ability to capture people’s attention. For about a month, she managed to date two guys at the same time. The dudes were friends and eventually found out about the two-timing. Both confronted her separately and she convinced them that she had broken up with the other. I knew she could use her talent as a way to speak truth onstage, but it turned ugly when she used that talent for people-pleasing offstage.

In my younger days, I used to feel so justified by all these stories. I may have problems, I thought, but at least I’m not like them. The truth was, however, that I was a massive liar. I mean world-class. Half the fun of summer camp was seeing what preposterous story people would believe. At the age of 13, I told people I used much heavier drugs than the ones I actually tried. Supposedly, I’d been in several fights where I came out victorious when in fact I lost almost every one of those humiliating and lackluster scuffles. When I was 14, I told people about how I could have signed a record contract but turned it down. Once, I even convinced a small audience of people that my dad was black.

My strength and weakness were the same. I realized that I had the ability to tell a good story, a believable story. The enemy had used me as an effective tool to spread lies. I was so duped that I even believed some of these stories and many years after my reform had to remind myself, “Oh wait, I made that all up when I was a teenager.” There was a two-year period of time when I dabbled in something called “automatic writing”. I used to blank out my thoughts and write whatever came to mind. At first, the writing was interesting. Over time, though, I wouldn’t even think about what my hand wrote and the material became increasingly dark. It never occurred to me what evil voices I had allowed to speak freely in my mind. Toward the end of this experiment, I even saw some of the stuff I was writing, not necessarily understanding that I was writing the vision. The whole experience freaked me out so much that I stopped writing outside of school papers for a few years. In a perverse sort of way, I was even proud of my ability to keep from sinning by not writing.

God gave me these gifts to glorify Him but then I became proud when I realized the power of what I possessed. The enemy had me using my storytelling for sinful purposes. Automatic writing twisted a God-given gift and proved a counterfeit of my ability to hear His voice. When I first decided to repent of these things, I feared what would happen if I continued to use my gifts and stopped altogether. At first, I was in bondage to sin, and then I was in bondage to the fear of sin. Both prevented me from using the gifts God had given for His glory, and so both forms of bondage proved unrighteous. Pride in my abilities truly had brought destruction.

A similar verse in Proverbs 29 says, “A man's pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor.” This goes back to Xerox Copies. God is ultimate and so deserves all glory, honor, and praise. The gifts and talents we have make us proud when we think they originated within ourselves, but they can become powerful, kingdom-building tools when we recognize their purpose and source in God. If a Christian recognizes the truth of Galatians 2:20, having their identity in Jesus, then a humble attitude of his strength will bring honor to the One who truly deserves it.

In terms of sin, it can also bring freedom. Think about your struggles. To my friend who used to be the Apostle of Acid, God humbled him and put him in public ministry. That part of his life found redemption. After my life as a career liar and automatic writer, God told my dad to help him write his book. Now, years later, I find myself writing to God’s glory and telling stories to build people’s faith. Where I once feared I would sin using these gifts, I rejoice in the redemption I have experienced.

Humility - Or how I got over myself and learned to love the youth group

Some days, I wonder why people in my church encouraged me to become a youth leader. I didn’t want to do it at first. After praying about it, though, I felt that God wanted me to take this responsibility. For my first few months on the team, I felt horrendously uncomfortable. I thought, “don’t these people realize I might corrupt their children?” One of the kids came to church wearing a Slipknot hoodie and I made him a mix of Darkest Hour songs because they’re a better band. It didn’t occur to me until later that his mom might not be cool with me giving him that sort of music. Then again, she might think nothing of it. The point is, I don’t know how I’m supposed to behave around people ages 12-18.

Two weeks ago, I led my first discussion at a youth meeting. The topic of the day was humility. “Am I really qualified to lead this discussion?” I thought. “Because I think I’m pretty awesome and that seems to disqualify me outright.” As I prepared my questions for the night, I asked God for help. “I don’t know what to say to them about humility. It’s something we’re told to do but nobody defines how to be humble. Like, is it really only the absence of pride?”

Thankfully, God answered.

Humility first begins with understanding our proper place in creation. God is the ultimate, perfect, and self-sufficient being. We are His creation, given dignity because we are made in His image. Even though He gave man authority in nature (Gen. 1:28-30), man’s authority still came from and was accountable to God. We can see this in how He set boundaries of right and wrong for man. In every covenant that God made with man, God set the terms without negotiation. I’ve told people that the true sin of Adam and Eve came from the lie that they might be “like God” (Gen. 3:5). They wanted to define good and evil for themselves, to have a say in what God determined. The world has suffered the consequences ever since.

As a child, I often thought about the paradox that pride was sin and yet parents could still be proud of their children. Pride was wrong, but I could still take pride in doing well in school. In order to stop thinking about it, I started to compartmentalize good pride from bad pride, mixing the black and white together in a comfortable grey. Without knowing it, my elementary mind had begun to accept Hegelian synthesis as a reasonable answer. It may have given me an excuse to stop defining my terms, but it also left me with undefined words. Pride and humility had no true meaning except what I declared based on my perception. The only reason I didn’t see my attitude as relativistic was because other people often agreed with my standards.

But that Sunday night before the youth meeting, God pointed me to a teaching by Terry Virgo. In the final section of a four part series, Virgo talked about false humility. Exodus 2:11-14 tells the first story of Moses as an adult. “Now it came about in those days, when Moses had grown up, that he went out to his brethren and looked on their hard labors; and he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his brethren. So he looked this way and that, and when he saw there was no one around, he struck down the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. He went out the next day, and behold, two Hebrews were fighting with each other; and he said to the offender, ‘Why are you striking your companion?’ But he said, ‘Who made you a prince or a judge over us? Are you intending to kill me as you killed the Egyptian?’ Then Moses was afraid and said, ‘Surely the matter has become known.’”

Think about this. Moses was a prince of Egypt, a powerful nation who considered its pharaoh as a god. It’s possible that Moses went down among the Hebrews because he wanted to identify with his own people. But to do that, he may have gone undercover. Why else would the one Hebrew say, “Who made you a prince or a judge over us?” If Moses came in his royal clothes, obviously a prince of Egypt, this question would make no sense coming from a slave. When he killed the Egyptian, it seems Moses wanted to act as a protector or deliverer for his people. But again, the question of “Who made you…” implies a kind of contempt. As if to say, “Some hero you are. You’re just a killer.”

Pharaoh learns of the murder and seeks to kill Moses, but Moses runs away to the land of Midian and becomes a shepherd. Children were shepherds. That’s like a man opening a lemonade stand for forty years. Then one day, Moses sees a bush in flames. That’s not so strange, considering the desert sun sometimes causes dry plants to burn. But these flames didn’t consume the bush. After forty years of drudgery, you’d pay attention to little things like that. Of course, as the story goes, God speaks to Moses and tells him in Exodus 3:10, “Therefore, come now, and I will send you to Pharaoh, so that you may bring My people, the sons of Israel, out of Egypt.”

Hey Moses! You wanted to be a hero to your people. Now’s your chance. But Moses says, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the sons of Israel out of Egypt?” This response echoes what the slave told Moses before he fled Egypt. “Who do you think you are?” It seems that Moses has answered with, “Nobody.” Moses spends so much time telling God that he’s the wrong man for the job he forgets that God is offering the fulfillment of the dream. He also misses the part in Exodus 3:8 where God says, “I have come down to deliver them from the power of the Egyptians”. God’s doing the work, Moses only has to go and send the message. Instead, Moses protests and God gets pissed.

At first glance, it may seem that Moses displayed humility in his question, “Who am I?” But Virgo points out that this humility was a cover for disobedience. In many ways, it sounds like the lie Adam and Eve bought in Eden. What Moses really meant was, “I know better, God. I can determine between right and wrong just like you and I say you’ve got the wrong guy. I don’t want to do this.” Moses didn’t properly recognize God’s supremacy and his own place in creation. False humility is really a passive aggressive pride. It’s sin.

Now let’s look at Jesus. You may see some parallels with the story of Moses. God the son came down to earth and became human to act as our deliverer. Like the quarrelsome slave, most people didn’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah and treated him with contempt. But when God told Jesus to go to the cross and offer salvation to those enslaved in sin, He went in obedience. Of course it was agonizing. Of course it was humiliating. But then Jesus got up. As one writer put it, “He arose victorious”. God won and got the glory.

This leads me to believe that true humility comes out of obedience, where we recognize God’s authority and submit to it. That doesn’t mean we reject God’s pleasure in us, or like Moses try to diminish our calling. We can be proud when it comes to doing what God wants. Sometimes dad lets us hold the flashlight while he works on the car. Even though he’s doing all the work, don’t you feel awesome having taken part in the job?

So maybe I shouldn’t worry about my “qualifications” as a youth leader. Maybe I should be happy that I’m doing what God wants and trust that He picked the right man. It sure makes Sunday night more fun when I’m not so self-focused.